Assignment 11-Henry Lee

Part 1: After going through and reading the feedback I received from my peers I highlighted some main areas that needed work. They are; being more specific with my research question because as it stand right now, it's too broad. Also I need to go more in-depth on the topics I discussed because many comments told me that I left them with questions after reading my essay which is never good, especially in a research paper. Finally, I need to introduce my sources by using the hamburger method because I can't just assume that my audience knows who each of my sources are. In terms of the goals outlined in our Student Guide, I have a lot of work to do in revising my essay to make these goals achievable. To further develop my ideas I need to do go back to some of my sources and gather more information for my audience so they can understand the complete picture of what I am trying to write.

Part 2: While I re-read my draft I took notes on the bullet points that you had us answer and this is what I came up with- The main purpose in my essay is to inform the readers of the ways that social media has changed the lives of teenagers, and this is important because it seems like everyone around the world has used a social media site and the sites are exponentially growing with users, with the majority of them being in the teenage age range. During this first draft I used nine sources because I wanted to diversify my readers with the different perspectives from these professionals. A change in my essay I need to make is how I introduce my sources because right now I am only providing the names of the sources without properly giving background information on how they relate to my topic, for all they know all of my sources could be homeless people (you never know!). In my next draft I don't think I will be needing additional sources but I do need to gather more in-depth information from the sources I already have. Some of the topics that I need to develop include; online privacy, Facebook, and ultimately I need to come up with a research question that will allow me to address it within my essay. I should include online privacy because it has been in the news a lot because parents' are concerned about the online safety of their children. I want to go more in-depth with Facebook because I left my readers wanting more in my paper so if I can address more about this topic then it will strength my essay. I have been using my sources in order to back up my main ideas in each paragraph but like I said earlier I need to introduce them better so my audience can get a feel for who the author is and how they are relevant to the corresponding topic. So by addressing these issues I feel like I will have a much cleaner and easier to read research paper that will be more complete.